


people are people (and sometimes it doesn't work out)

by yxurstruly



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Epistolary, F/F, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:06:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24574279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yxurstruly/pseuds/yxurstruly
Summary: Lucretia writes a letter.Anonymous requested "20 for Lucretia and Lup!" (20. "I was so stupid to make the mistake of falling in love with my best friend."). It's sad now; you're welcome.
Relationships: The Director | Lucretia/Lup
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	people are people (and sometimes it doesn't work out)

My dear Lup,

_ Lucretia crossed out the " _ My _ ," and then the " _ dear _,"_ _ and then flipped to the next page and started again: _

Lup,

I owe you an explanation, but I want to start with an apology. You are the one person I’ve had a closer connection to than to anyone else on any plane of existence, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for messing us up.

You’ve been nothing but open and supportive and kind, especially since the night you and I sat down together, stars bright, and I told you about the girl who had kissed me on Cycle Eleven and how I kissed her back and how I mostly wanted to kiss girls from now on. You held me so tight that night and maybe that’s when my trouble began. That’s when I realized it, at least. Maybe it began at the press conference before we lifted off, when you swaggered and laughed and were so, so  _ you _ . Or maybe it was the day we first met—the shine of your eyes pressed itself immediately into my brain before I could even consider what it meant. Who knows when it really started. (I wish I did.)

We grew closer since our night under the stars and I treasured every smile, every touch. No one has ever touched me like you do, sweet and strong and frequently. You offered your hand to me under the table at Davenport’s meetings, and I took it because we’re friends, but also because I was selfish. Because each time I took it, my skin sparked and my breath caught and my heart beat stronger.

Do you remember Cycle Twenty? Of course you do. We had to attend the gala with the royal court before we could even ask about the Light, and Taako already had plans to go with some floozy he met planetside, so Barry asked you to be his partner and Magnus asked me to be his. You were so happy for me, Lup, and I was over the moon for you and for me too, and we two collapsed on my bed, side by side. You and me laying there together, just us against the world and the world finally on our side for just the briefest of moments, brought me more warmth than the Light ever has or will. I’ve never told anyone that. I wonder if it’s even right to tell you now.

In short, every little thing you’ve done for me since the night you and I talked under the starry sky has made me fall harder and harder for you. I’ve fallen for you, Lup, and I’m so, so sorry. I fear just by telling you all this I’ve dashed your trust in me, but I have to come clean; I’ll burst if I don’t.

Please don’t blame yourself. I know you’ll never see me in this way, not when you have Barry (whom I know about and could never be upset with either), so please don’t think I’m blaming you for leading me on. It’s my own damn fault—I was so stupid to make the mistake of falling in love with my best friend. You know better than anyone that there isn’t a moment of my life when I’m not constantly thinking. But last night I tried something new: in the moment I was kissing you, I wasn’t thinking anything at all. I’ve promised myself (though I fear promising anything now) that for the rest of every one of my lives I’ll be thinking about my every action.

It seems I’ve rambled, but what did we expect; you know how I am with pen and paper. I’m so sorry, Lup. I can’t ask you to forgive me; I can only beg that you try to understand.

I’m sorry.

Yours,

Lucretia

_ Hands trembling, throat swelling, Lucretia tore out the letter. She folded it as carefully as she could and slipped it quietly under Lup’s door after the longest and most weakening walk down the hallway she had ever experienced. _

_ Back in her own room, she swallowed an indeterminate few sleeping pills and imagined away the tears rolling onto her pillow, into her sleep. _

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading & thanks in advance for the kudos & comments!
> 
> Special thanks to Lynn, my beta and intellectual soulmate.
> 
> Title is from "Breathe" by Taylor Swift. hmu about lup and/or lucretia on tumblr @ moon-jellie :)


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